The truth is, I haven’t been completely honest with everyone on here.
I want to get this out in the open mainly because it’s something I will want to write about from time to time.
The truth is, last week I decided to seek help for my eating disorder….
Right, there it is!
It’s a bit odd to be writing this kind of D&M on my birthday but it’s all a part of it. I’m 26 (eek, first time I’ve written it), I have struggled with this for over 8 years now, enough is enough.
I want to be free of all of these stupid rules, the obsessive compulsive weighing, calorie counting, horrible body image and social anxiety associated around food.I want to wear what I want, to eat what I want and to go out for dinner when I want. I want to not feel exhausted, faint and dizzy all the time. I want to LIVE MY LIFE and not be a prisoner to this hell anymore!
While I was sick in bed last week I made some inquiries to see how I’d feel about doing this. Firstly I spoke to an online counselor on the Butterfly Foundation web chat who pointed me in the right direction - took 2 days of trying but finally got someone. Then I saw a GP and had my mental health plan done up.
On Wednesday afternoon I had my first session with my therapist, she was amazing. I filled in 20 pages of questions before the session which was pretty confronting.
Who knows about this? My boss, my personal trainer, my partner and a friend….oh, and you guys!
If anyone in the real world is watching this I’d prefer that it is kept confidential. Tumblr is my space to say how I feel and share with supportive friends and I know that I will need to vent from time to time on this journey.
Lastly, there is someone AMAZING in my life who has been a big support, has encouraged me, listened to me and challenged me. I doubt I would have gotten over the line without her - and that would be diaryofthelegallybrunette , thank you from the bottom of my heart Dana, I can never thank you enough!
And with that, this is where I’m currently at. Having therapy and trying to find a realistic work/life/health/fitness balance.